Shterven Ghettoverse Oneshots
by 8BitNaga
Summary: A collection of my Dry, Dry humor. Most of these are on my GooglePlus (8BitNaga Google Plus) Please dnt get offended Please. The incorrect spellings are on purpose so pls dnt flame me about grammar. Rated T for fairly strong language, dnt like, dnt read, and i suck at summaries. ENJOY MY CHILDREN (This is a crackfic and i dnt own SU)
1. SMACK CAM

*One day*

*Sapphire runs into the room*

Sapphire: SMACK CAM

*Ruby turns around with a pocket knife in hand*

Ruby: bitch i hope tf u do u'll be a dead son of a bitch il tell u dhet

Sapphire: !MAC KCAMS *Runs backwards out of the door*

*sapphire is out of breath*


	2. The warship

*A gem warship arrives and the gems run outside*

*The warship is pointing its finger menacingly at them and mayor dewey shits his pants*

Amethyst: Hoe dnt do it

*The warship flips them off*

Amethyst: oh ma gawd

Garnet: (Ruby's side) Fuck this shit im out *Salutes and then unfuses, leaving two cute ass lesbians ontop of each other and unconscious*

*Pearl covers steven's eyes*

*Sapphire wakes up*

Sapphire: GON FLOAT AWAY FROM YO BULLSHIET *salutes and levitates*

*Ruby wakes up*

Ruby: BAE TAKE ME WITH YOU *grabs onto sapphire's dress*


	3. How About Now

*At the big donut*

Lars: Oh look, its the boy who lives with those crystal fems! What even are they? Witches, mermaids, centuars..?

Steven: They are the crystal gems and they save earth from monsters.. and im a crystal gem too! Now gimme a chocolate dougnut im hungry af

Lars: Aren't they hot ladies? You aren't exactly one, steven. *Gives steven his doughnut*

Sadie: Shut the fuck up, lars.

*Steven walks out*

* * *

*Many episodes later* (Play the song: How About Now by Drake)

* * *

*Stevonnie walks into the big doughnut*

Lars: Damn gurl u fine

*He looks over to their stomach and sees their gem*

Lars: hold up what

*sadie blushes furiously*

Stevonnie (Steven's side): How u like me now *puts on shades* bitch

*They unfuse*

Lars: STEVEN WHAT IN THE ACTUAL-

*sadie kicks him in the stomach*

*steven still got the shades on*

Steven: hi bitch

Connie: *waves*


	4. Fine Piece of Ass

*Rose turns camera on*

Rose: Its amazing how i've been on earth for 6k years and never found love in that peruod of time.

Then i come across bae and i be like

"MMMH

You fine piece of ass."

*She turns camera off*


	5. All up in ma grill

*One day*

*Peridot is in a wheat field trying to find her broken escape pod*

*6 hours later, she opens up an interface to try and contact Yellow Diamond and succeeds*

Peridot: YOUR MAJESTY

Yellow diamond: what

Peridot: THOSE CRYSTAL GEMS KEEP BREAKING MA THINGS

Yellow Diamond: Did i invite you to my barbecue

Peridot: No..!

Yellow Diamond: then y u gettin all up in ma grill

Peridot: What. *hangx up and reconnects her fingers*

Peridot:... thefuq's a barbecue


	6. FUCK OFF

*One day*

*Jamie writes a love letter to garnet*

Jamie's letter: I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU BAE

*Garnet writes a letter back*

Garnet's letter: fUCK OFF JAMIE


	7. Jealous Much?

*One day*

*Rose has a nightmare of greg making out w/ pearl*

*she goes to greg's van*

*greg stuffs pearl in the passenger seat (They were... ya dnt wanna know.)*

Rose: BAE.

Greg: wut

Rose: can i ask u a question?

Greg: ...

Rose: Do u like purl?

*Greg finds himself being dangled by the foot*

Greg: NOPE.

Rose: k

*Rose chucks him back into the van and closes van door*

Greg: PHEW

*Greg continues making out with pearl*

*rose hears kissing noises*

*Rose runs over to the van and flips the van over*

Rose: *in satan's voice* BITCH YOU GON DIE TODAY

*A day later*

*pearl walks into the temple but finds rose giving her the death stare*

Pearl: ROSE! Hi! I was just gon-

Rose: Shut yo ass up.

Pearl: *Runs*

*Rose runs after her*

Rose: OH NO YA DONT BITCH

Pearl: Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

*Pearl hides in a random cave not far from the temple*

*She lights a candle*

*Rose is holding her sword to pearl's throat*

Rose: Hi bitch

Pearl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *Pearl ends up in her gem from being headless*

*rose splits her gem and throws it out to sea*

Rose: Now to deal with gregbae... *evil smile*


	8. BITCH U UGLEEEHHHH

*One mission*

Amethyst: Y'know what you are?

Pearl: No.

*Another mission*

Amethyst: Y'know what you are?

Pearl: No!

*Yet another mission*

Amethyst: Y'know what you are!?

Pearl: NO. JUST TELL ME.

Amethyst: *BITCH YOU UGLEEEHHHH*


	9. Watch me Whip

A modern SU fanfic sort of

*The crystal gems + greg live in a house together (Before steven)*

*Rose is dancing off to silento's whip and nae nae but forgets to close the door*

Rose: Now watch me whip.. *does the whip* now watch me nae nae.. *Does the naenae*

*Greg just happens to walk past*

*he walks backwards to the living room door to see rose dancing*

Greg: *Whips out his phone, goes to the camera app and presses record* EY YO BAE.

Rose: Oh Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitsh ಠ_ಠ itshitshitShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshi- wait are you recording *turns off her phone*

Greg: Nope hehehe YO AMETHYST COME CHECK DIS OUT

*amethyst runs down the stairs*

Amethyst: WHERE'S TEH FIR- BRUHHH.

Amethyst: HOHOOOO DIS GON B GUD

*Pearl walks out from the kitchen and into the living room*

*She bites her lip*

Pearl: Dat fat ass.

*Garnet then comes in*

Garnet: Keeep daancing...

Rose: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUQ YOU GUYS.

*Rose starts to chase greg*

Rose: GREEEEEEEEG. STOP THE DAMN RECORDING.

greg: NEVAH!

*Rose tries to beat up greg but garnet summons her gauntlets and holds rose back*

*Greg runs out of the house*

Greg: PHEW.

*Greg runs to his van and jumps inside*

*He starts the car, looks next to him and sees rose with his phone*

Rose: Got yo phone bae *breaks it and throws the remains out the window*

*She then bails*

*Unfortunately, Amethyst was recording the whole thing.*


	10. Rich ass bitch

Songfic (Christmas carol)

Rose: I built this *shows her armoury*

I forged this *Shows her sword*

And i built this *Shows light cannon*

If i sell it all,

I'll be a rich ass bitch


	11. Badbitch97

*Turns on camera*

Rose: hey guys, this is my main bitch amethyst

*amethyst is avoiding the camera lens while having her jaw open*

Rose: Close your mouth amethyst.

*amethyst closes her mouth*

Rose:... She's a bad bitch.

*Turns off camera*


	12. Ima stab a betch

*Someone talks shat about greg to his face*

*Greg is holding back a tear*

*Rose appears next to him*

Greg: ... hi rose

Rose: Now you can talk shat about my hair... *Fixes curls*

Rose: Or my hare... *Holds a brown hare in one hand*

Rose: but if you talk shat about bae...

Rose: *pulls out sword* ima stab a betch.


	13. You Thirsty

*Pearl is making out with a 3d model of Rose at her sempai shrine*

*rose walks in*

*Pearl turns around, suprised*

Pearl: ROSE! I was just-

Rose: Bitch you thirsty

Pearl: ...I cnt even-

Rose: Bitch

You thirsty

Pearl: ._. Very true. I like you rose. Forget greg, Let's travel the universe together!

Rose: Bitch Keep Dreaming *walks away and flips pearl off*


	14. Rage Quit

When Ruby and sapphire rage quit

Ruby:

*bursts into flames*

*Throws a tantrum*

*Stops after a few mins*

Sapphire:

*Picks up coffee table*

*Flings it out the window*

*Walks out the door*

*Goes to big doughnut*

*Rips off the cash register*

*throws it out the window*

*Tears off lars's balls*

Lars: SHIT

*Destroys the rest of beach city*

Ruby: I taught you well ;-;


	15. T'Fuck?

Amethyst:

T'Fuck? T'Fuck?

T'Fuck is in the air

T'Fuck?

There's white shit everywhere-

Rose: It's snow.

Amethyst: I FUCKING KNEW THAT


	16. She just wanna pop that bubblegum

*Song lyrics: She just wanna pop pop pop pop pop pop pop dhet bubblegum (Whoohoo)*

* * *

*On a ship*

*Vidalia is doing various bubblegum shite on the front of Yellowtail's ship (play the song*

*Malachite suddenly pops out of the ocean*

*She points a finger at vidalia*

Malachite:

EY

SHUT THE FUCK UP

IM TRYNA SLEEP DOWN ERE

CRAZY BITCH


	17. Secret: Pt, 1

One day

*Pearl is in the temple alone stuffing her face with doritos and mt dew*

*malachite slowly raises her head and picks up her iphone with a tiny water hand*

*She takes a picture*

*Dives back in*

*Pearl notices*

Pearl: Hello?

A week later

*Malachite rises*

Malachite: HEY CLODS

*The gems come out of the temple with weapons drawn*

*Garnet punches her in the gut*

Malachite: ima beat yo ass

Amethyst: OR WHUT

Malachite: ima reveal a seeeeecret about one o' Y'all...

*A cup o' beer materialises in her hand*

*She sips it while lowering herself back down into the ocean*

Garnet: OK WHO GOT SECRETS

Sequel is coming


	18. Drank

A/N: BITCH YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA UPLOAD PT 2 BITCH U THOTGHT-(I will, after these few chapters)

One day

*Rose wants to go and water the new plants she had bought*

*She notices a purple plant but shrugs it off*

Rose: Ima just water these plants

*She goes to turn on the hose and puts it on the sprinkler setting*

*she then goes to the plants*

*she goes to the purple one first*

Purple plant (Amethyst): Ye nigga gimme dhet draank

Rose: Ame what t'Fu-

Sorry if this offends you


	19. Classroom shit

2*Malachite is a 1.4k old gem at school (Still has six arms and turquoise and all that, They dnt know shes a gem)*

In the classroom

Teacher: So, whaddoyou guys wanna be when you grow up?

Tommy: I wanna be a pilot!

Jaune: I wanna be a nurse!

Malachite: I wanna be ruler of earth!

Teacher: Malachite lets just think a lil smalle-

*Malachite gets up real close to the teachers face*

Malachite: BITCH U SAID I COULD BE WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT


	20. I be flawless

One day

*Rose comes out of the temple with thr mr universe shirt on*

*Pearl comes in*

Pearl: Rose you look simply gorgeo-

Rose: BITCH I LOOK FUCKING FLAWLESS

*She is now calmer*

*Turns to Greg*

Rose: now bae, where u wanna go?


	21. For my own

One day

Jamie: i just want you for my own

*Barb appears out of nowhere*

Barb: Oo-oo

Garnet: Please leave me the fuck alone...

*Steven pops out of nowhere*

Steven: Oo-oo


	22. Parent-teacher meeting

AN: SGO is now being co written by dtksgirl so SHOUTOUT TO HER

* * *

At a school meeting

*Yellow diamond is there with peridot at a school parent-teacher meeting Showing peri's baby pics*

*YD shows a pic pf pery tryna eat her fingers*

YD: And this be a pick of peri tryna eat her fingers

As a good parent, i stopped and laughed at her,

*YD chuckles abit*

YD: lil shit, cracks me up every time


	23. Limited Edition Pokemon Card

One day

*Rose is takin a walk on the boardwalk*

*Some guy approaches her*

That guy: ey gurl whats yo name

*He leans closer*

Rose: Who tf is you?

That guy: u wanna party

Rose: no nigga

That guy: see ya later gurl. Oh, ma name darius by the way.

*He walks off and rose lets out a sigh of relief*

* * *

A week later

* * *

*She is walking out on the boardwalk again*

*That same guy comes up again*

Rose: bitch what do u want from me

*Some smooth talk later*

Darius: aw cmon gurl u just playin hard to get.

Rose: Bitch,

do i look like a limited edition pokemon card?

* * *

AN: plot twist, Darius is kevin's father


	24. The Future

When rose and geg became gf n bf

*Rose is with greg in the temple discussing their future*

Greg: i can't wait to have kids... wonder what it'll look like?

*Rose flips off greg then disappears*

*She ends up in greg's van*

*She drives away*

Rose: HELL NAH IM MOVIN, HA

*She drives off*


	25. Answering your reviews

Bout time i answer yo reviews in public lol

If urs is very embarrassing or, for example "Dat Pussy" I WILL ANSWER IT lol

Reviews for Shterven Ghettoverse Oneshots

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 20 . 24m ago

:)

Me: :)

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 3 . 29m ago

I love this.

Me: YAY

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 2 . 30m ago

THIS IS HILARIOUS! Normally I don't like people doing this to Steven Universe, but this dry humor is too good to hate

Me: for some reason i imagine you slapping me so hard while you laugh i fall into a pit of flowers. Like omfg

Tidalgrunt chapter 24 . 15h ago

I thimk this is good? But at the same time my brains are exploded all over the room due to a stupidity overload so you know how it is. Still gon follow it tho.

Me: Here are ur brain bits bruh

Dtksgirl chapter 21 . Oct 10

Hah! Omg Pearl you hella thirsy

Me: Not even lapis can quench it

Dtksgirl chapter 20 . Oct 10

Yes Rose! Yaaaas!

Me: She on a roll

Man chapter 19 . Oct 5

19 was a vine from dope island and so was 1

Me: Det pussy

PrincessLyoka chapter 19 . Oct 4

This is so true.

Me: Funny yet relatable.

PrincessLyoka chapter 14 . Oct 4

I just found this

I'm reading through all of these

Dry humor like this is actually amazing to the point I wonder why not a lot of people I know like this in return.

So far this one is my favorite out of what I've read.

I'm so glad this exists

Me: Ehehehe this makes me feel all tingly inside

Dtksgirl chapter 17 . Sep 26

Amethyst: *Looks nervous* I ain't got no secrets ya'll.

Garnet: whut chu hidin bish!

Me: oh, Amethyst dont got secrets.. Eheheheheheheheeee

There is more but it didnt paste all of it lol


	26. Sticks But No Stones

*Pearl is out grocery shopping with connie, steven and garnet*

*She finds some frozen chips*

Pearl: This is so many calories...

*Garnet, steven and connie look at pearl like she crazy and an awkward silence builds*

Steven: ...YOU ARE A STICK, BITCH.


	27. The Hand trick

*Peri comes up to steven one day and asks to show a hand trick*

Peri: hey wanna see a hand trick?

Steven: No than- What the shit?

*Peri Waves hand round like a heli in a disturbing manner*

Steven: Oh HELL No.

Think Twainz


	28. Paled Garbonzlebee (whatever it is)

*Amethyst is sleeping when pearl wakes her up*

Pearl: Ame wake up

Ame: whut

Pearl: you ugly

Ame: and u look like a paled garbonzlebee


	29. DrH Bios pt 1

Rose's bio is on my g+ if u askin but ima copy it onto this

Dry Humor Bios:

Name, gem and other things u will know already so ima tell u the personalities

Rose:

Personality: Loud (think of rickey T), Can be rude, Nice most of the time, Direct, Sarcastic, Violent, Ratchet (Of course), Loves herself, Loves almost everything

Likes: Greg (Boyfriend), Gems (Comrades), Chocolate, Flipping people off, twerking, whipping her hair round, Her white Js, watching viners (Rickey T, Jay Versache, Scotttysire, alicattt), DOING vines, Roasting people (especially Yellow Diamond), doing the whip, Good outfits, Bootyshorts and other things

Dislikes: Sore losers (They Usually end up scuffing her Js if she has them on), People who roast greg, Thirsty little crackheads (Basically pearl, but not enough to resent her), people scuffing her Js (Usually resulting in her killing/shattering the person in a fit of pure rage with the shoe that was scuffed, and she ends up scrubbing it real hard),People dissing her weave, stalkers, being interrupted during a vine, being interupted watching something, if been denied a flight (If lion is being uncooperative, the warp pads are down and gregs van had broken down), haters and many kther things

Quotes:

"YD, WHATS GOOD" If Yellow diamond is present

"NOBODY" Whacks the person "SCUFFS MY JS!" If anyone scuffs her jays

"Bitch You thirsty" If pearl says something about greg in front of her

What she does and her deeds:

•Wears bootyshorts under her dress (She even wore it in the rebellion)

•Roast YD (YD WHATS GOOD), Flips off the haters (1/4000th oh the US army)

Things that happened to her:

•Was denied a flight because she had her light cannon in one suitcase and her sword in another, she gave the flight attendant an earful

•Turned a human into a mess of blood, bones, muscles and organs because someone stepped on her shoe with a muddy one

•Was almost stabbed at a wrestling match because that person was a sore loser and it soon turned into a full on swordfight. She also got an earful from pearl and greg once she came back with many cuts on her 'skin' a few minutes after it aired on the news

•She gave YD a haircut that looked ugly

•She trained greg to swordfight and and made him lift 16kg weights

•Went on a mission by herself and came back with a giant hole in her chest. She fell into gregs arms and poofed. "Im fine bae, im fine" she said.

List what the other characters should be by PMing me


	30. Ride Or Die

Why do i imagine ratchet rose quartz as that 'Ride or Die' friend though she cant even drive like

*Rose sees greg crying next to his van*

Rose: Ok what happened now bro

Greg: *Says while sobbing* She cheated on me..

Rose:...

*She looks at the van and then gives greg a sly smile*

Greg: rOSE NO

Rose: Get yo keys, we goin on a roadtrip to that bitch's house

*An hour later, their car crash airs on the news (Dnt worry they both left unscathed but porl had to fix his van and the gir was left homeless and right-armless*


	31. AN1 A Thing

HEY GUYSES i got a blog on tumblr for Ratchet Rose Quartz comics

( .com) nd also an ask blog for too

( .com)

ANYWAY HAVE A THING

*Steven and jasper are bickering in his dream*

*During the fight*

Jasper: I CAN'T STAND YOU, ROSE!

*Lapis sits there eating a burger, but it hangs forgotten as jasper uttered those words*

Steven: WHO TOLD YOU TO STAND? BITCH SIT DOWN.

*Lapis spits out her hamburger*

Lapis: OOHHHHHH

Jasper: SHUDDUP LAZULI

Lapis: Nah, ima stand here a lil longer lol

Sorry not sorry


	32. To Be A Crystal Gem

Rose: As a crystal gem you must hit

Rose: EVERY

Rose: SINGLE

Rose: FUCKING

Rose: BEYONCE NOTE AND DANCE STEP THERE IS

Rose: DO YOU UNDERSTAND SOLDIERS

Garnet: YES MA'AM

Pearl: ALRIGHT *Salutes*

*Sitting on the counter, Amethyst is just picking her nose*

*Rose breaks the counter with a fist*

Rose: *gets right up to amethyst's face* DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND, SOLDIER!?

Ame: *Instantly jumps up and salutes* YES MA'AM

*Some weird ass dance happens (Refer to any of lizzza's vines)*


	33. There are kids here

*Garnet is at the beach with rose and the other gems and loads of people chatting (Not the temple's front yard, another beach)*

Garnet: Can you guys shut the fuck up? I'm tryna read here.

Pearl: There are kids here!

*Pearl happens to be looking at amethyst*

*She catches her gaze and yells,*

Ame: I AM NOT A KIIID

Garnet: Good point. *Shouts* Can y'all shut the fuck up too?


	34. What's Good

*garnet and ame are about to fuse again*

Porl: garnet.. When you and your personalities combine you can be a little..-

*She hears cackling*

Pearl: You've fucking fused, haven't y-

Sugi: pEARL WHATS GOOD


	35. Answering your reviews 2

Man chapter 34 . Feb 14

Can you do another ruby and sapphire one

Me: Maybeeeeee

Guest chapter 34 . Feb 12

Fucking genius bro.

I cannot hope to replicate the sizzle thats thats all up in this bizzle.

Me: AWE THANKS

SongOfPeace16 chapter 2 . Feb 7

This is sick. You are disgusting.

Please write more.

Me: Here drink some SGO infused water its gon help quench that undying thirst

Guest chapter 2 . Jan 12

I find this funnier than I should

Me: Good

Tidalgrunt chapter 31 . Jan 12

Comedy unobtanium as allways i see.

Me: You are EVERYWHERE

I FAVE FANS ;-;

Guest chapter 2 . Dec 18, 2015

UGGGGH, THE CRINGE IS TOO STRONG

Me: Cringe all ya want im still writing this fanfic lol

hoodballer chapter 19 . Nov 30, 2015

You watch dope island

Me: Yeh

report review for abuseniggachu chapter 18 . Nov 30, 2015

I saw the vine

Me: im too lazy to see which vine that is

Heavywordsthrown2light chapter 29 . Nov 30, 2015

I'm not sure if I should flame this for being awful, or commend it for being the greatest crack fic I've ever seen.

Me: Do the former, gotta balance it out

The Old Bastard chapter 29 . Nov 29, 2015

2ghetto4me

Me: Have a cookie

Miamia15540 chapter 2 . Nov 24, 2015

xD f*ck this shit I'm out is an awesome song btw

Me: Omfg yesss

zoopdedo chapter 28 . Nov 24, 2015

I always look forward to these for some strange reason.

Me: *SQUEEEEEEE*

Luvin em :D

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 28 . Nov 24, 2015

ROTFL I am literally puking because I am laughing so hard.

Me: You readin this on the toilet

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 27 . Nov 24, 2015

XD

Me: GLAD U LIKE IT

Guest chapter 1 . Nov 12, 2015

The most ghetto thing here is that you use google

*cue airhorn sonada*

Me: Why am i not suprised

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 24 . Nov 10, 2015

Can u do something on rainbow quartz/sugilite/opal?

Me: Your prayers are answered in chap.34 my child

Xx-The-all-seeing-eye-xX chapter 25 . Nov 5, 2015

Rose is portrayed as a kickass bitch. OMFG.

RRQ: DAMN RIGHT I AM

Guest chapter 21 . Oct 27, 2015

you need to do a "why the fuck u lyyyin" chapter because it's fucking amazing

Me: an idea just popped into my head as soon as i read this

Tidalgrunt chapter 25 . Oct 28, 2015

I have my brain now so i can tell you this is so bad... that its one of the best fics i ever read.

Me: Nickname this fanfic as. 'The Good Shit' PLEASE

YOU ARE WELCOME MY CHILDREN


	36. An announcement and Instagram Photos

Aight, who is good at drawing comics digitally? I'm hoping to put some chapters on comics so that i could post them on g+. PM me some comic entries of this story below with a link to google drive that has:

*On the beach*

*Pearl comes across jenny pizza taking photos for insta*

Jenny: Hey P, wanna get in the picture?

Pierogi: We gems don't ne-

Steven: Guess who i caught pushin up her nonexistant titties for an insta photo last night.

Pearlie: tHAT WASN'T ME

*Amethyst is laughing her ass off th the background*

/\

This as a comic and the best one i will announce in another chapter


	37. Not All Pearls Know Each Other

Steven: Is that another Pearl? Who is she?

Pearl: Not all Pearls know each other, Steven.

Pearl (internally): Fucking banana-bread bitch thinks I forgot what she said at the Diamond Authority Christmas party ten thousand years ago well she and her fucking thigh-highs have another think coming I tell you what

-Ruru "squee" the fangirl (Who took this off tumblr)


	38. Sup

*Blue Diamond randomly stares at YD randomly*

YD: um

BD: ...

YD: *Sweats*

BD:...

Yd: What do you-

BD: 'SUP NIGGA

YD: NOPE FUCK THIS *Runs for dear life*


	39. It's all a good day until

*Greg gets in his van*

Greg: ok so i had this-

*His hair gets stuck between the car door*

Greg: oKAY THE HAIR IS STUCK, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH-

*Rose just sits in the back of the van and says this*

Rose: Greg, go sit in a corner and grow a pair. It's HAIR, for gem's sake.


	40. I Can Kill Your Family

*During the rebellion*

Rose: YELLOW DICKBAG HONEY WE CAN KILL YOUR FAAMILYY

*Holds up keys to the diamond palace*

Rose: I HAVE YO KEEYS BITCH

*At the diamond palace*

Blue Dia: Oh well. We're fucked.

Yellow Dia: NO WAY! I'd rather SHATTER myself than-

*Rose Q and Flame (My OC, check the other story though it may be updated from time to time) bursts in*

Yellow Dia: WELP

Rose: hEED MY WARNINGS HO

Blue dia: Nope. *breaks a window and jumps*

Yellow Dia: UHHH

*Blue dia rises up from gem made (A bunch of gems squished together with their physical forms) cloud*

Blue dia: What did i fucking tell you

*White dia comes in*

White dia: I heard a bang is everyth- WELL THEN.

*Minutes later*

*White, flame and blue are eating popcorn and chanting 'GO!' while Rose repeatedly beats the shit outta yellow*


	41. Babe no

*Rose and greg wake up to amethyst purposely wailing in the middle of the night*

Rose: ...aammeeEEEEEE...

Greg: Yyeeeaaa you're taking care of this. You don't even need to sleep

*Rose sits up groggily (?) And looks at greg*

Rose: ...babe no

Somebody make this a comic

Also it was my bday on the 1st april


	42. What We Really Are

( **X-x-The-all-seeing-eye-xX's bit** )

Rose: Pearl? Can I talk to you

Pearl: yes ROSE

Rose: are we gay space rocks or not

Pearl: "what we really are" * **shuffles out of room like a crab** * * **repeats saying "what we really are" until the end of time** *

( **my bit** )

Rose: ...

 **Flame opens the door**

Flame: Did i come at a bad time?

Rose: ( **whispering)** **Ohgod** _pearl'spossessed_ **what** _ **fuckinghelpmeeee**_

Flame: ( **mumbles)** Shit okay ( **leaves** )

 **Rose waits a few seconds before opening her room and legit sprinting and then leaping into it**


	43. The Cooking Show

Before the rebellion

 **Pink diamond and yellow diamond host a cooking show and PD is being a sassy shit**

YD: Hello gems this is our-

PD: i'm not finished.

YD: **glares** So first we put the bacon in-

PD: Oh my god can you let me do what i need to do

PD: Fucking calm yoself


	44. Growing Up Sucks

**Amethyst is alone in the living room with steven telling him stories about when she previously played games with the gems**

Ame: ...So the gems were too slow to catch me and I WOON.

*later In amethyst's room*

Ame: Oh wait

Ame: They probably let me win

Ame: ...GROWING UP _SUCKS_


	45. Constipation

Pearl: war and glory, reinvention, fusion, freedom-

*steven groans in pain from a terrible bellyache*

Pearl: Constipation


	46. Proposal

Greg: ...Will you marry me?

 **He pulls out a pink diamond**

Rose: I THOUGHT I SHATTERED THE BITCH W H L


End file.
